The NFL Low Down Week #2

When it comes to who should be starting QB in Philadelphia, what the hell is the fuss about? Are you fuckin' serious?! Did you see "Corn on the Kolb" in week 1 playing as expected...like a guy who was feeling the pressure of not only replacing McNabb, but of having to play in front of those merciless, heartless & down right despicable Philly fans? Granted it was only one half & he could very well go on to have a decent career, but he ain't better than Michael Vick pre or post incarceration. Michael Vick is a once in a lifetime talent that gives you a chance of winning every week. His talents are special and unique. He is not your typical pocket passing QB like a Brady or Manning, but then again...they are not the play makers he is. Vick will never dazzle you with his ability to read defenses or stand in the pocket & complete pass after pass. But what he will do is make a mediocre line look effective & give defensive coordinators lots of sleepless nights trying to game-plan him. Critics that have a problem with Vick starting are either delusional or they are letting their personal feelings about Vick cloud what little judgement they supposedly have. Is Vick going to have a bad game? Sure he is, but let's see if there is going to be a public outcry of support for Charlie Batch or Dennis Dixon to remain starter when Big Ben returns. No one complained about giving Tavarus Jackson his shot when Brett was brought in off the street. I'm not turning this into a race thing. I'm just saying.......................

THINGS THAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 2:

MR. IGROMO was wrong and I can admit. I apologize for doubting your skills and putting another fellow hurricane over top of you. That catch you made over that sorry ass Deadskin safety was nothing short of Alvin Harper-like. That play was some Montanna to Clark type shit. The man I owe an apology to is THE NEXT BIG THING...ANDRE JOHNSON. Goddamn I was wrong. You are like Fitzgerald and Bouldin all rolled into one. Alright enough of that shit. People might think I have a man crush on your ass.

Rex Ryan should be on the NFL's banned substance list, because this motherfucker is a performance enhancer. Whatever it is you do, keep doing it because the look on Brady and Bellicheck's face after that game was priceless.

In the famous words of the ROADDOG JESSE JAMES "IF YOU DON'T KNOW...YOUR ASS BETTER CALL SOMEBODYYYYYYYYYY! Houston is for real. Schuab and Johnson are great. That defensive front seven is fast & can put heat on the QB. Wouldn't it be real fucked up if the Texans play in the SuperBowl in Dallas while the Cowboys have to watch?

There is no sibling rivalry between the Mannings, so please shut up about this already. Peyton can line up with me, Big Shirley from Martin, and Grady from Sanford & Son and still beat Eli. Comment of the week made by Peyton's mother.

Peyton has always been like a big brother to Eli.

You think. That shit normally occurs when you happen to be born before a mofo. smh...

UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS:

Braylon Edwards, what is your goddamn problem? Do you love controversy & bad publicity? Drunk driving & driving with your windows tinted to dark?! I know the brother that tinted your whip told you "Man this shit is illegal, you still want them that dark?" But your response was......

Man I'm motherfuckin' Braylon Edwards bitch, tint my shit! I don't give a damn bout no laws or no police I'm a New York Jet! Better suck my Dick!

You get the picture. Braylon is famous for being famous. He has had one good year & other than that, his claim to fame is beating up James's (the NBA player formerly known as Queen James) little ass buddy in a night club incident last year. I think if that dude was two inches taller he could be classified as a midget instead of a dwarf. Braylon do me a favor, stop dropping passes, celebrating every time you do something, breaking laws & beating up little people. I'm just saying.............


STOCK UP STOCK DOWN:

^ ANDRE JOHNSON- A MAN AMONGST BOYS
^ MILES AUSTIN- THE ONE GOOD DECISION JERRY HAS MADE
^ PEYTON MANNING- A LEADER ON AND OFF THE FIELD
^ MICHAEL VICK- LOOKING BETEER THAN EVER
^ AARON RODGERS- WHO NEEDS A RUNNING GAME
^ CLAY MATTHEWS- ONE MAN SACK MACHINE
^ DONAVAN MCNABB- ANDY HE STILL HAS IT
TONY ROMO- STILL ON THE SIDELINE GRINNING
NFL OFFICIALS- STOP FUCKING WITH THE RAVENS
ELI MANNING- AT LEAST YOU UNDERSTAND YOU ARE NOT THAT GOOD
THE VIKINGS- TOO MUCH TALENT TO BE 0-2

HIGH FIVE:

1) SAINTS 2-0 THEY WIN EVEN WHEN BEING OUTPLAYED
2) STEELERS 2-0 WAIT UNTIL THEY GET BEN BACK
3) PACKERS 2-0 I STILL HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT THEM
4) COLTS 1-1 PEYTON GIVES THEM A CHANCE EVERY WEEK
5) RAVENS WAITING ON THAT OFFENSE TO GET GOING


BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:



THE ENTIRE DALLAS COWBOY ORGANIZATION.

* Tony Romo said & I quote...

We have to learn from our mistakes and just get better.

Translation. What he really meant was I'm going to keep doing dumbass shit & inventing new ways to embarrass this once proud franchise.

* Terrance Newman said & I quote...

There are things going on in practice that the coaches don't see & it is causing us to not be on the same page.

Translation. Jerry Jones is really the head coach, but I'm smart enough not to say that shit because I enjoy cashing my pay checks.

* Michael Jenkins said and I quote...

We continue to understimate our opponents and a lot of us believe we are entitled to certain things because of the star on our helmet.

Translation. Instead of watching film & preparing for our opponents, we are busy fucking bitches, making it rain, and trying to get our own reality TV shows.


Plain and simple folks...this a ship with no skipper at the helm. These sorry mofos invent ways to lose. Remember when they let a fullback go 80 yds on them to close out Texas Stadium & Sugar Ray Lewis said "Shut that bitch down?" Remember Tony Romo botching the snap in the wildacrd game years ago? What about losing to the wrong Manning to open the new Cowboys stadium & letting Brandon Jacobs big ass rumble down the sidelines on a 60 yd screen pass. The slapstick comedy that happened during last week's Deadskins game is still too painful to bring up. And I heard that shit is on the new NFL FOLLIES DVD. The Boys are Buffoons, Call it what it is. They are like those clown ass New York Knick teams coached by Pat Riley that did dumbass shit during the 90'S. It is like John Starks is a special adviser to the Boys & just when you think they have hit rock bottom they go even lower. Sorry but you guys are my buffoons of the week.



I'm out like Cowboy pride.

The NFL Low Down...Week 1 2010

I am going to start off this weeks edition of The Low Down by saying Rex Ryan is a Defensive Coordinator masquerading as a head coach. Why do I say this you ask? Because when you are a head coach, you don't go around trash talking and challenging players. You save your energy for preparing your players to do battle every week. Rex...when your talking about winning a SuperBowl, you are only concerning yourself with your number #1 ranked D. You are totally forgetting about that totally anemic offense led by Kyle Bowler...I mean Mark Sanchez that makes the Maryland Terps look like the greatest show on turf. Your job as head coach is to oversee offense, defense & special teams. It was cute when you put Bellicheck on notice last year, because you were the underdog and everyone was pulling for you. But now you say your team is the best. But unfortunately Mark Sanchez and the rest of your team now has to go out and play every week like the Pats did three years ago. Let your players play and your coaches coach and quit calling out guys like Ray Lewis. Because sooner or later your players are going to get tired of getting fucked up, call your ass out and you will be out of New York faster than Raz B's solo career.

THINGS THAT I LEARNED IN WEEK 1:

I have bet against Brady and Bellicheck for the last mutherfucking time. Everytime I believe they are done, they prove why they are winners. Sorry guys I am an idiot.

Chris Johnson maybe the best back in football. It seems like he breaks at least one long run a game and I can't remember the last time he was shut down.

Ray Lewis is the best defensive player I have ever seen in my life and I don't have to justify that shit.

Having Bobby Bowden coach wasn't all that bad if it means my Seminoles don't have to loose by 30 plus on National TV.

UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS:

Tony Romo is never going to be the leader that Peyton or Brady are, so I have given up on that dream. He seems OK with mutherfuckers jumping offside & the lack of discipline that has plagued this team for years. He said that the Deadskins showed him blitzes that he had never seen before. You believe that shit?! That ranks up there with Shaq saying before he had won a ring that he had won on every level except for college and the pros. I can't believe that he would admit to the public that he was unprepared...& that things will get better, all while wearing that shit eating grin on his face. That "awe-shucks go get em next time" shit don't fly in the pros. The NFL stands for Not For Long especially when your coaching staff is made up of Buffoons. What does it say about the leadership on this team when he makes statements like that? My bad, he plays for Wade Phillips...A guy who gets approval from his owner for his game plan each week. The only way Tony Romo & any team that he leads is ever going to the Super Bowl is if they pay for tickets to get into that shit. 7 points against the 85 Bears or 00 Ravens is acceptable, but not against that feared Deangelo Hall led Deadskins squad.


STOCK UP STOCK DOWN:

^ MILES AUSTIN 10 REC 146 YDS 1 TD
^ARIAN FOSTER 33 ATT 231 YDS 3 TDS
^CHRIS JOHNSON 27 ATT 142 YDS 2 TDS
^ CLAY MATTHEWS 2 SACKS 1 FF, 7 SOLO TACKLES
^ PATRICK CHUNG 16 SOLO TACKLES
^ PEYTON MANNING 40-57 433 YDS 3 TDS
^ RAY LEWIS ASK REX RYAN
mark sanchez 10-21 74 yds
kevin kolb 5-10 24 yds
matt moore 14-33 182 yds 3 ints
braylon edwards 1 rec 9 yds
shonn greene 5 att 18 yds 1 fumble

HIGH FIVE:

1) SAINTS 1-0 "THE BEST UNTIL SOMEONE KNOCKS THEN OFF.
2) RAVENS 1-0 "OFFENSE AND D DAMN.
3) PATS 1-0 "IN BRADY I TRUST.
4) STEELERS 1-0 "WAIT UNTIL THEY GET BACK BIG BEN.
5) PACKERS 1-0 "THE JURY IS STILL OUT.


BUFFOON OF THE WEEK:



Would you replace the most penalized tackle in the world with the second most penalized tackle in the world? I know your saying at least that's an upgrade. lol Yeah fucking right, if you live in Cowboy World that type of dumbass thinking is acceptable. Jerry Jones, How many times must you make my list?! You live in a world where you believe replacing Jimmy Johnson with Barry Switzer & setting up Roy Willaims great great grandchildren for life makes you a genius. Wrong!!! Where I come from it makes you BUFFOON OF THE WEEK! Signing that bum to play tackle is worst than Tashard Choice shuckin' & jivin' and shakin' and bakin' before fumbling the ball to Deangelo Hall...leading to the Deadskins only TD. Before you make another executive decision regarding personnel...ask Wade Phillips, Tony Romo, and Jason Garrett for their advice. And then do the opposite. At least you didn't bring your dumbass down on the field this time.



I'm out like Frank Beamer and Virginia Tech's title hopes.